spectacular

that's the word he used

spectacular

but now when i listen to him say that word

it breaks up and comes apart and sounds like something else

spectacle, you liar

and i get angry

who does that?

what kind of person?

its like trying to figure out the mind of a serial killer

cause yeah, im pretty sure he's a serial killer

he was so good at it all

he had to have done it before

repeatedly

to many

he knew i had

come from hell

and was basking in my

heaven

he knew i was enjoying

my post traumatic beauty

even tho

he knew my feet were spread apart

most of me was on the come up

while one foot still tip toed in the darkness

of my pain

i was smiling but still

clutching the autopsy report to my chest

and watering graveyard grass with my tears

i saw him in a vision

killing me

after of course

i had handed him the weapon

trying to figure out the mind of a serial killer

is like trying to figure out my own

it all comes around right back to me

to me with these fkn antennas

i shoulda kept covered

and this fkn heart

i shoulda tucked in tight

and this fkn

poetic ass

deep ass

real ass

soul

i shoulda kept to myself

.................................................

ralphie told me

a long time ago

that i.always.survive.

and he was right

khris tells me all the time

that i gotta special kinda way

and he was right

my mamma wont let me forget

that i am like the moon

even when its dark, i am radiant

she's right

i am