i wonder...

is the internet, or rather, the people that post on message boards, etc...is that a pretty accurate reflection of the mindset of people in society?

i was just surfing around on line, looking at different videos, googling recent events and whatnot...reading comments by people. and i realize that 90 percent of the time, people are commenting in a very racist manner. even in some instances where it wouldnt seem that race would b e an issue it seems to always come up.

does society march along and try to pretend that we are all coming together and respecting one another based on our characters while the underbelly exists a seething pulse of racism and hate.

is whitey mad that they cant go to work and call black folks niggas so they just vent their true feelings on the internet?

just curious.

if is such a useless word

really

i mean, if is a fantasy

and i always try to see reality

i dream

but if gets in the way of making dreams really happen

so yeah, fuck if.

make love to now.

i'm still alive

my essence is shooting out good

i'm growing

and shrinking.

i'm loving in the absence of

something that tried to convince me it was love

almost...almost had me fooled

but i love

cause love wins every time.

and i smile, cause...

i cant be defeated, no

i cant be hardened

i've discovered

that sometimes

separation is the greatest expression

of love.

i woke up this morning

with a dream tangled in my hair

remnants of r.e.m. fantasy

lingering around my shoulders

it felt so good

when i have those kinda dreams

i wake up feeling like i just spent some time

with him. my baby.

he hugged me

he cuddled up next to me

i rubbed his head. he likes that

and he told me how happy it makes him

to see me happy

we talked about his daughter

and his nephew.

both of which he never had the chance to meet.

talked about his brother

and his dad

and my life.

he didnt bring that night up.

he didnt.

i woke up like...

yeah, thank you lord

for letting me spend some time with him

in my dream.

moments in love by the art of noise

this sound

always

spreads me out

like

sand

coy

sensual

silk gliding over

rigid

in repeat

whisper vibrato

sonic echo

palpable

r's rolling across wet grass

orchid

blooming

opening

to sun

nectar

raindrops

landing softly

falling boldly

scolding

inhibitions

spectacular

that's the word he used

spectacular

but now when i listen to him say that word

it breaks up and comes apart and sounds like something else

spectacle, you liar

and i get angry

who does that?

what kind of person?

its like trying to figure out the mind of a serial killer

cause yeah, im pretty sure he's a serial killer

he was so good at it all

he had to have done it before

repeatedly

to many

he knew i had

come from hell

and was basking in my

heaven

he knew i was enjoying

my post traumatic beauty

even tho

he knew my feet were spread apart

most of me was on the come up

while one foot still tip toed in the darkness

of my pain

i was smiling but still

clutching the autopsy report to my chest

and watering graveyard grass with my tears

i saw him in a vision

killing me

after of course

i had handed him the weapon

trying to figure out the mind of a serial killer

is like trying to figure out my own

it all comes around right back to me

to me with these fkn antennas

i shoulda kept covered

and this fkn heart

i shoulda tucked in tight

and this fkn

poetic ass

deep ass

real ass

soul

i shoulda kept to myself

.................................................

ralphie told me

a long time ago

that i.always.survive.

and he was right

khris tells me all the time

that i gotta special kinda way

and he was right

my mamma wont let me forget

that i am like the moon

even when its dark, i am radiant

she's right

i am