making up for lost time...

i need to say these things out loud so they can quit swimmin around my head but
who could i say these things to?
without judgement
who's present?
i cant think right now
not like normal
not right now
i cant
broken thoughts get
transformed into
incomplete phrases
not like normal
not like regular
if i could just..
snap out of it, everything would be
okay this is scarey
should be
vacant
they should just forget
like...
i wish i never met some
thing is wrong now
pray
oh jesus sweet lord jesus
im not a christian
broken
where's the fix
its not as
its bad
not so
mamma take me
back
put me back in you
give birth to me
again
cause i was born
wrong
not like regular
not like
mamma birth me
again but this time
let daddy touch me first
i think that doctor had something
on his gloves on his hands on him
made me
not regular
shoulda been daddy's hands
his hands are right
not like his friend's hands
not like that lady with the vaseline
women try to get pussy too sometimes
i thought i was regular
like...as close to normal
thought they were dead
these things
my head
hurts